On leaving my child for work. Check!
Seriously. Almost all moms feel guilty about going to work and leaving their child to a nanny. But I have to be realistic. I need to work in order to provide for my son. A one-income household just couldn't survive especially with the state of the Philippine economy. Yes, I've accepted this reality already.
On giving healthy meals. Check!
Yeah, I get it. We all try to give super healthy meals to our kids every time, but there are days when you just couldn't do and make it, well, super healthy. So in order to be not too hard on myself, I guess a slip here and there of an unhealthy meal twice or thrice a week wouldn't hurt so bad. Oh, is Lucky Me Lomi with eggs unhealthy? My son loves LM Lomi and this is my savior on days I'm just too darn tired.
Me time for me is an hour at the mall, running errands or doing grocery. Heck a 20-minute uninterrupted shower time is even a luxury for me! Ridiculous, right? Yeah, I know I need to be more creative but I don't have the luxury yet of going to spas or go on shopping spree. An hour of massage from our reflexology-trained neighbor makes me uber happy already. I noticed that I feel less guilty when before I step out of the door, my son has done with shower, took his vitamins, ate a healthy meal, had his inhaler shots, and is taking a nap. That's not counting the long list of instructions to the nanny on what to do when he wakes up. See? I am one crazy, annoying mommy and you can shoot me now.
On sending my kid to play outside without me. So uncheck!
This kills me every damn time! Call me OA but I just can't bear the thought of sending Freedom outside with his yaya to play. I work night shifts and I'm with my baby the whole day. When I come home, I make sure I put him to naps, feed him, play with him. Sometimes, if I can't sleep while he sleeps, I send him outside to play for like an hour and it bothers me. Yeah, I know. I need to sleep! I try to overcome this by repeatedly telling myself, "get over it and sleep! This is one area I need to work on. It's daddy and baby time between 4pm-6pm and I always end up still going with them 'cause I feel jealous and makes 'this is our family time of the day' an excuse to join them. I'm so over the top, I hate myself.
On not being more creative with play. Check and uncheck!
This one is hard because my baby is super active. He's a very spirited kid and he will try every single thing to test your patience especially when he's bored. And this one is to blame on me. I need to think of more ways on how to entertain him without me getting exhausted. He's fond of going up and down stairs, never-ending peekaboos, running around looking for harmless centipedes on the ground, swinging by my legs and so on and so forth. It's hard to keep him entertained without me getting physically drained, more so if I lack sleep. Some days are better when I think of something non-physical activity to do like giving a bag of mung beans to decant from one cup to another. Or read him a book that I read to him like a thousand times already. Sometimes, I give him a bag of small dried fishes like dilis. He adores any kind of fish, raw, cooked or dried. This trick makes him super happy and the mommy is as well happy albeit the cleaning part!
Note to self (repeat 100x):
I believe that no matter how guilty I feel, my son will always adore me. In his eyes, I am still the best mommy no matter how many times I leave him to go to work, or how many hours he spends in a day without mommy in sight, or how many times I thought I failed him. He will only have one mommy in his lifetime and I’m sure I mean more to him than anyone else in the world.