My 19th Letter To Freedom

Hello Son,

Writing to you another letter just so you know how I feel about being your mother at this time of the year.

So we celebrated your birthday more than two months ago and right now, you're just enjoying summer vacation. Nowadays, you love saying no to showers but once you're in, you don't wanna get out of it! You just learned how to follow on to my singing and you like Moonriver the most. Old school, yeah I know.

You love helping Mommy cut some dried flowers as well as trimming grass in our little flower garden. Did you know that you cut all my fresh flowers at one side of our garden the other week? I was sad at first but couldn't get mad at you, lol

Since I like engaging you to household chores, you love helping me in the kitchen and we usually cook together albeit the frying; that would have been scary.

In the recent year, I've been shedding tears and praying hard since following the story of Courageous Caitie who was a 3-year-old girl, died of leukemia like your Tita Kate. Tita Kate is like a sister to Mommy and I lost her to leukemia when we were just 20 years old. How I miss her. Just so you know, Anak. Mommy can get mental, crazy or whatever you call it every time Mommy reads something bad or sad or awful in the news, media or anywhere else.

As a mother, my heart goes out to those parents whose children suffer especially in the face of sickness. But as part of life, sickness and death and all other awful things happen. Embracing the fact that God has put us here on Earth temporarily, He is actually preparing us to an eternal life in heaven if we only believe and be obedient to Him.

As I am a mother to you and Jesus like a father to all of us, Jesus only wants the best for us. And I only want the best for you.

In the recent days, I've been so worried and fearful what's gonna be like when something bad and unexpected happens to one of us. But I've done all the thinking and talked to myself that there's only one thing I could do -- and that is to pray. Prayer is my weapon.

Almost every morning, I keep on putting my hand on to your forehead and bless you with words like "In Jesus' mighty name, I bless you to be a God-loving person, grow up to live a full, long healthy and peaceful life under God's grace and love."

Worries and fears will always be there, Anak. Even after five years of having you, I am still in this learning phase of how parenthood is all about. One thing I am certain though, no matter what life throws at you, God's hand is always at work and we need to learn on how to just be still and trust him.

I may be fearful of a lot of things, but I pray and pray and pray and put all my hope to God. My goal is to live every day under God's light and enjoy life with you and our family, make happy memories as long as we're here. Love you so much, Anak.

Love,
Mommy

 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

My 18th Letter To Freedom

 Dear Son,

Lately I've been asking, what did I do to deserve a blessing like you? You definitely changed our lives upside down. It's not that I didn't have purpose before you were born. It's just that, now that Tatay and I have you in our lives, it is more meaningful and purposeful.

In a few weeks' time, you'll turn four. How time really flies! These days, all you love doing is the total need of you wanting to spend time with us. You often ask if Mommy doesn't need to go to work anymore or if Tatay has a gig or something.

You are still crazy about robots. And mad about The Last Airbender series, The Lion King and Tangled. You are more independent at this age. You can get water or other things from the fridge already. How you love opening the fridge to see if there's something to eat or Tatay might have hidden a surprise candy he forgot to give you. Clever kid.

You  love helping Mommy and Tatay cook! Yes, at the age of 3, you love to cook! And knead some dough, water the plants, sweeping the floor and jumping and wrestling and being a normal kid. I just don't get why you don't like swimming in the village pool unless you have another kid with you :(

 Kneading some dough

Lounging in the village pool.

I guess all I want to say to you, Anak, is that I am super happy that God blessed us with a wonderful son. The thing that you do when you lose patience easily and always forget to say "please" and "thank you" are just some of the rough edges that I think will slowly shape who you really are. But I can't complain. You are cute and sweet and loving and kind. I wouldn't want to change a thing. I only pray that Tatay and I get to spend more days with you for the rest of our lives.

Love,
Mommy xxx

My 17th Letter To Freedom

Dearest Son,

Mom just thought of writing you again to let you know all the best things you continue to give me and your Tatay.

In less than 4 months, you'll be 3! I can't believe you'll be a full grown kid by then. We can't wait to throw another birthday party for you. We can't wait to let you blow candles a hundred times again.

I'm starting to fear you're growing up so fast though. You now know how to say sorry, tell a joke, give the sweetest kisses and hugs, even trick us to things so you can go on doing mischief acts! LOL

The fun but hard part now though is that you are now very aware of things and time. Like how you cry when you wake up without Mom and Tatay in sight. Like how you say you want to go to Timezone or to the park. Like how you wait for us after our work's shifts. Like how you ask for your pasalubong every time we come home. Like how you say Mom can't go to the kitchen to cook. You'd always want both me and Tatay to be inside the room with you, how so adorable are you? You can now even remember events and places!


Nothing's changed, Anak. You are still the apple of our eyes. The best thing now is you are already a little person that interacts fully with us and we enjoy this so much! You give us laughs no one can. You are a funny, smart kid. I remember last weekend, you want Mommy to close her eyes so you can play cooking with your milk bottles which Mommy says you can't! You pretend you cook something in a bowl, you use your milk bottles as salt or pepper and you toss the bowl like a chef! Oh, the clever things you see in Tatay while he's cooking!

 Can you see how you lean your head on the table, attentively watching Tatay draw?

Or your cute attempt at drawing!

You are one happy kid!

I must say, you are such a character! You are cute, stubborn, even unyielding but a smart, sweet, loving little boy. I want more of these musings as you grow each day.

Freedom is 2!

Dearest Son,

Happy Birthday, my little guy! You just turned 2 and nights from your birthday, I switched your lullaby song from "Torete" to "Happy Birthday" medley just because you requested for it. You are so funny that even when your eyes are closed, drifting away to sleep with Mommy's lullaby, you still manage to request what song Mommy would sing for you! Pretty hilarious!

It has been a great journey with you, Anak. The joy you constantly give me and your Tatay is just amazing! Today, we celebrated your birthday with a simple lunch in our small neighborhood. You woke up to Mommy and Tatay singing "Happy Birthday" to you. You can't barely open your eyes then but you were smiling and giggling! 

We started our day at 7am running errands, had some breakfast, took a shower, went to buy your cake, and decorated to make your day more special. Tatay cooked spaghetti for you. Tito RR, Nana and Tita Remy grilled liempo and tilapia, cooked shanghai rolls and pancit bihon which you loved! You jumped, hopped, played basketball and pretended to be Dagohoy in between! But the highlight of it all was you blowing your candles until they're at their shortest! Haha!

 

 These are all Mommy's DIY!

Celebrating your birthday robot style!

Rocking your shaved head on your big day!

Dagohoy on his favorite Minion shirt.

Your Tatay kept on convincing you to blow the candles for the LAST time but you still insisted "more" and since it's your birthday, he let you blow them  like a hundred times! Haha!

This day was so much fun and we are so glad you enjoyed it! 

My Freedom rocks!!!!!

Love,

Mommy

My 16th Letter to Freedom

Dearest Son,

You'll be 21 months in a matter of days and you just continue to amaze us. First, your Tatay and I are very happy that God healed you as you haven't had any asthma attacks in the last 10 months. We thank God every day for that. Mommy and Tatay are faced with some big problems lately but we are starting to get through of those because you continue to inspire and strengthen us.

There is no bigger problem than God, Anak. That's what Mamita taught me. I hope I could be as good as a mom as your Mamita. Mommy always tells herself that whatever problem may come our way, as long as you are healthy and happy, I'm all good. Do you know that you just learned saying "I love you" to us? It is just awesome to hear you reply "I love you". I was so happy about it I tell you "I love you" a hundred times a day and you reply a hundred times back, it really melts my heart, Anak. Your Mamita just loves to hear you say "I Love You" over the phone.

I am also happy to report that you are already toilet trained! You are so cool! Even with nappies on, you keep on telling Mommy that you got to go. So cute! Another thing that really amazes us now is that whenever we ask you "Free, are you happy?" You always answer, "Happy!" I am so glad you are one happy kid. I'll make sure you'll have a happy and memorable childhood, my son. I promise you that.

Always remember, Mommy and Tatay are always here to make you happy. Can't wait till morning when I can hear you say "I Love You" to us again. Sleep tight my dearest. Mommy will be just by your side all throughout the night, saying a thankful prayer to God for He has given you to us.

Love,
Mommy

Waiting For Freedom

Since we just celebrated Father's Day last weekend, I want to turn the spotlight on to the Mister. I want to share to you something very special. This was written by my loving husband while I was inside the delivery room, pushing, screaming, grimacing, losing-all-composure, having-the-time-of-my-life, giving-my-all moment.

You see, the Mister is better than I am when it comes to writing. I've been nagging him about all the Post-it notes I keep on collecting that are scattered all over our room ever since the world began. I could have compiled them all and made a book out of it! Hmmm...That gave me an idea!

The hospital in Bacolod where I gave birth doesn't allow husbands inside the delivery room. It was a hard experience but we made it through. I gave birth to my lovely boy via normal delivery at 9:17pm on Feb. 8, 2012 after 5 hours of grueling labor pains.

Read on.

Waiting For Freedom

This is , by far, the longest afternoon I've ever experienced. 

Time drips away like a whale oil candle burning brightly through this stormy and restless skies, yet consuming every bit of each passing moment. These eggshell white and powder blue halls are teeming with movements that dissipate as quickly as they were made, anticipating one of these full motion figures would stop to provide me the well-deserved courtesy of a blow-by-blow coverage. What's going on behind these curtain covered rooms?  Is my wife and child doing alright? Is there anything I could buy or do to remind my loved ones that I am steadfast and expecting? 

A millions thoughts racing in my head, while a fear I have never felt before crawls underneath my skin. Helpless as I sit here, pounding my stress into this fragile machine. I wish this was just like them fistfights in school or the riots in a friend's university but nay, this will probably be one of the most decent moments of my life.

So here I am. Waiting for Freedom...

Finally! Our little bundle of joy - 2 hours old.

My 15th Letter to Freedom

6/19/13

Dearest Son,

It's been a long time since I last wrote to you. I definitely made use of that long time to hover and coo over your cuteness self and savor every minute I have with you since you came back from Bacolod. Everything is different now. When I had to cry and cry last March because you could no longer recognize my face the moment I carried you at the airport upon your arrival, now is a different story. I had to bring you along with me even when I had to pee! Hehe!

Your Tatay teases me all the time about this. "Gusto mo close kayo diba? Ayan, ikaw ang super favorite nya." It's not that I don't like it, of course. It's just over the top, my son. Hehe! But I'm not complaining. I still love how strong our bond is.

The moment this little monkey dropped my cheeseburger!

And now that I work on night shift, I get to spend the whole day with you and we are so much closer than ever! Your neurotic mom even sneaks out of the office during lunch break, goes home and checks on you while you were sleeping! Mind you, this is at 3 in the morning! See, neurotic to the highest level! Your Tatay would say I'm not doing the wisest thing in case I'll wake you up 'cause I wouldn't be able to go back to the office before my 1-hour lunch break is up. Tatay has a valid point there, but your crazy mom would still insist doing it. I did it again today, by the way. Hehe!

So long my love, till the next letter. Tatay and Mommy love you to bits.

Love,
Mommy

Letters to Freedom

I started this daily letter to my son a few months back when we were at the peak of stress caused by his diagnosis of asthma. After establishing his asthma management with his pedia-pulmonologist, the Hubby and I decided to send Freedom to Bacolod to my parents to have a full recovery. We figure that fresh air in the province would help him develop strong lungs and his pedia recommended this too. His tiny lung just couldn't bear Manila pollution. I had a very hard time being away from my son. And I poured my heart's content by writing him a daily letter.

And it helped me get through this difficult period. Read on.

February 16, 2013

The days and nights without seeing your smile seem to be taking forever.

Dearest Son,

I feel like loving you forever since the day I laid eyes on you. You are God's most precious gift. I've never felt so much alive the first time I knew I'm having you. Having you in our lives has been a living dream. I have nothing to wish for you but to become a good son of God, healthy and free in mind, body and soul.

I'll be starting to write to you every day from this day on forward. My words will be your guide. My words will let you know how much Mommy loves you. My words will be your strength.

Love,

Mommy

February 17, 2013

Dearest Son,

Tonight Mommy can't sleep. I was wondering whether you already had your inhaler shots done. I can't wait for morning to see you on Skype. I've been fixing all the mess from your first birthday celebration. I came upon your toys and gifts. I tucked them away in the closet neatly. I can't wait to show them to you again when you come home.

Tatay misses you so much. But he always assures me we are doing this for your own good. Don't worry my sweetie, we'll be together soon. And mommy is going to shower you with kisses, with hugs, tickles and lots of peekaboos.

Goodnight, Free. I'll be dreaming of you tonight.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

February 17, 2013

Dearest Son,

I promised I'll be writing to you every day. This is my second today. Sorry, one letter can't tell all I have to say to you. I'm still looking for a good notepad to write these by hand. I guess writing by hand would be better...sweeter...lovelier.

Mommy is done with laundry. I was having so much pride brushing your little cute white shirts with all the stains on it. I was imagining how cute they are on you. I know you'll be staining these shirts on most days. What do I expect? You're a kid. I want you to enjoy everything, learning and exploring everything even it means wreaking havoc our house every day.

I called you up early this morning. Your grandma said you're outside with Grandpa eating pandesal. I know how you love your morning walk so I didn't push it. I can call you later today anyway.

Till later my sweetheart. Mommy thinks of your every second of the day. Enjoy your day.

Love,

Mommy

February 18, 2013

LETTERS TO FREEDOM
 
Dearest Son,
 
Mommy woke up at 2am and can't go back to sleep. It's 4:30 on the clock and I know you'll be awake in less than an hour. I wish I could be there for you when you open your eyes, seeing the first smile of the day.

Mommy has been preparing for an interview for today. I'll try my best to nail this.. for you. I lift everything to the Almighty and I know he has a great plan for us.

My child, I hope everything goes well with you today. Is your upper teeth still hurting? I'll send kisses to make them go away. Just know that this is all part of growing up. You'll get through every milestone and it will make you a very strong kid.

Let your worries go away by knowing that you are loved by so many special people around you. We'll take one day at a time, okay? Have a great day, Free.

Love,
Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

February 19, 2013

Dearest Son,

Mommy just had dinner lovingly prepared by Tatay. I tell you Anak, Tatay makes the most awesome french toast and soup. That's what you should be looking forward to while growing up. Of course you can't ignore mommy's good cooking too! Haha!

Tatay and I want you to always enjoy time with us in the kitchen tossing pancakes and mixing pasta sauces. I look forward to doing many more fun stuff with you, Anak. We saw a video of you today. It was all funny with you and Dadoods playing giddy up horsey on Tito RR's shoulders. Haha!

I know you're enjoying your stay there with Mamita and Dadoods. Before you know it, you'll be here with us again. Goodnight my beautiful child. We'll be dreaming of you tonight.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

February 20, 2013

Dearest Son,

Mommy's day went uneventful as usual because of your absence. The only highlight I had was seeing your smile on Skype early this morning. You've grown so much, Anak.

I can't wait to hold you and kiss you again, Anak. I can't wait to cook you healthy meals again. I can't wait to bring you to the park again. I can't wait to watch you while you sleep. I must admit, it is true what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Two more weeks and it's going to be heaven by your side again, Anak. Let all your worries fade away while we wait. Sweet dreams, Free. Tatay and I miss you more today than yesterday.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM:
February 21, 2013
 
Dearest Son,
 
All I want to say to you today is that I miss you TERRIBLY. I don't know how else I can describe the sense of emptiness that I actually feel today. Good thing your Tatay prepared another awesome meal for mommy. It lifted my mood a little bit.

I'm not sure if you could still remember this time being away from mommy when you get older. I hope you won't. I'll say it again. I miss you my sweetheart. Dream of mommy tonight.

Love,
Mommy 

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

2/22/13

Dearest Son,

The weather just doesn't help. I miss you more and more and this is getting worse. I wonder how creative Mamita and Dadoods today in containing you inside the house. You love the outside rain or shine!

I guess I'll just have to bury myself in chores again this weekend. Two more weekends and I'm gonna see your smile again, smell your unique baby scent again and shower you with all the love I can get you.

See you in my dreams, darling.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

February 23, 2013

Dearest Son,

Mommy and Tatay have been spending time together and all we do is talk about you. Tatay says he misses playing with you. You just wouldn't stop playing w/ Tatay, you enjoy it so much.

If only Mommy can push the fast forward button to the day we'll be together again. The days and nights only get slower by the hour. But all we can do is wait, Anak. I promise you this will all be worth it. Promise.

I'll see you soon, sweetie.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

February 25, 2013

Dearest Son,

It was quite harder for me to start this letter today as all I want now is to be with you. The first time that you were away was hard but I never thought that it is going to get THIS hard. Though Mommy and Tatay can't complain. Mamita said your face is like an apple now; plump and red and chubby :)

We can't wait to squeeze those chubby apple cheeks with lots of kisses. I am just so happy that ever since, you eat almost anything given to you. You like fish, veg soup, monggo, potatoes, pumpkin, apples, oranges the most.

Tatay and I were in the mall yesterday to buy some produce. We can't just stay there for too long as kids around remind us how it is going to be when you're with us at that moment. So we skipped the mall and went home, let another night pass with the happy thought that in less than a fortnight, we'll be complete again.

I'll be seeing you, Anak :) Miss you like crazy.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

February 28, 2013

Dearest Son,

Mommy is going to see you again in a week's time! I can't believe we hold on to seeing each other this long. We made it, Anak. We are stronger than ever. It was hard work indeed but the experience brought good things as well.

I hope that when you grow up reading this, you can get insights from the letters I wrote to you, from the experience we had day by day. This experience taught Mommy and Tatay that sometimes, there are just things that are out of our control. I can now hear the song of Beatles "Let It Be" playing in the background.

That's what life is, Anak. There are times that you just need to act like water and let life flow freely. Let go and let it be. Like your name, Freedom. Your name was meant to reflect how your mind thinks. We'd like you to be free of any burden -- the burden of unnecessary norms of the society that insignificantly measure the person you really are. We want you to be free and be who you are. It doesn't matter what you're going to be when you grow up. If you're happy, you'll feel free.

Remember, Mommy loves you whoever you're going to be. See you soon, Anak.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM
February 28, 2013

Dearest Son,
 
I saw a latest photo of you today, Anak. You looked so busy and happy as well as funny. You were attentively looking at your food with no care to anything around you at all. Haha..I wish you stay that way when it comes to food. I didn't want to go through the path of bribing you just so you'll eat your food.

I spent this whole day mostly on reflections. Maybe that's the reason why this is my second letter for you today. Though I can promise you a happy home filled with fun and laughter and love, please understand that there will come a time that Mommy or Tatay will make a mistake in our parenting journey. As you grow day by day, Mommy and Tatay also grow with you day by day -- we mature day by day in our parenting skills.

I hope when the time comes that we make that mistake(s), you already have the understanding that we are imperfect just like everyone else. Just know that in all that we do, we do it out of our unconditional love for you.

Goodnight, Anak. I'll dream of you tonight.

Love,
Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

March 3, 2013

Dearest Son,

In less than a week, Tatay and Mommy are gonna see you! Yay! Mommy has been preparing our place for you.

We've been so happy to start our day today after we saw you on Skype. You were all so giggly and happy and showing off new skills taught to you. Tatay and I couldn't be more proud of you. You are a happy child with a sense of humor. You have your way to us, we just couldn't say no to you every time.

We are looking forward to spending more fun time with you, Anak. You just don't know how big your personality is. You are full of life and you fill our lives with so much joy and purpose. See you soon, Babe. Sweet dreams.

Love,

Mommy

LETTERS TO FREEDOM

March 5, 2013

Dearest Son,

I have been counting the hours until the moment I'll be with you again. I hope that you would recognize Mommy the moment you see her. I can't wait to give you the tightest hug there is.

Mamita and I have been talking nonstop about you. She shared every fun moment she had with you and keeps on describing how funny you are, how quick you are learning things and how big your appetite is when it comes to food -- to any food at that.

I'm so proud of you, Anak. You are the most precious thing God has ever given me. Tatay and Mommy love you loads. We'll dream of you tonight. See you soon.

Love,

Mommy