Time out! I am N-O-T pregnant. I'm writing this because I wanted to talk the Mister and myself out of having baby no. 2. Yes. I
The Mister wants two kids. And I understand his reasoning behind this choice. He wants Freedom to have someone to lean on other than us. I respect that. I see his point. But this is an avenue where we are currently not agreeing. I only want one child. I have listed down the pros and cons in my mind. Still, I only want one child.
I may not take this path one more time so I want to appreciate this beautiful form.
I am not a perfect mother. I had my fair share of mishaps and blunders as a mom. I mature each day as a mom. I guess I'm getting good at it. It's just that when I became a mother, I lost myself somehow. It was all about Freedom. Yes, I am a hovering mommy. I became more of a mother than my own person. If I will not change me crazy self now, I’m sure Freedom will despise me for being an OA mom that I am today. It became worse when I started to neglect my duties as the good wife. I have to remind myself that I am a wife first, then a mom second. Good thing the Mister understood. He does try. Thanks, Meluvs!
I do not resent Freedom for what I feel. I love my boy to bits. It's just me who got stuck. But I'm happy to report that I'm slowly bouncing back. It's exhausting staying vigilant all the time. Every day is still a struggle as my baby is just so cute to me. He does things so funny to me and I can't help it. I get carried away from time to time. In short, I am losing myself one time too many. Maybe because I don't want to miss a single thing as he grows up, which by the way happens steadily fast!
All moms want the best for their kids. We all struggle to raise a happy, independent child to face this wonderful but complex world. So I figure if I want a happy kid, I need to be a happy mom. And to be a happy mom, I need to be a happy person. Needless to say a happy wife means a happy husband and vice versa.
Happy people make one happy world!
Don't get me wrong. I am happy with my life. Well, I can be happy today. I can be sad tomorrow. I may feel delighted next week. There are of course the typical bumps and jumps along the way but all is very well. My choice of having one child rooted from my pursuit of constant happiness. Yeah, I heard you. Happiness is relative but it also needs hard work. Let's not get hypocrite. Sometimes, it's hard to maintain being happy. I'm sort of a melancholic character. Sometimes, borderline depressive.
My description of happiness is not complex. It's not ambitious; it's never pretentious. I am happy with simple pleasures. Happiness means freedom. I believe having one child will be liberating. I don't want to live a life full of obligations. I want to save my authentic self while working hard to be the best mom to my kid .And I'd be happiest if I can have the freedom to
- go to movies and concerts
- go to my hubby’s gigs (this I miss!)
- go on romantic vacations and foodventures with the Mister
- deluge myself in solitude
- spend quality time with my son
- take care of my Mama and Papa as they grow old
- spend special occasions with my parents and siblings
- travel to places with closest girlfriends
- invest for my son's future
- save enough for a meaningful retirement
I know I sound selfish to some. I could care less. They can kill me with their judgment. I have to love myself. I will not be bound by close-mindedness. I need to make wise choices within the boundaries of my reality. And my reality is that I wouldn't be able to do most, if not all of the above, with a second child.
The truth is, no matter how privileged we are, we all have a burden to carry. All of us do what we do to better our lives. And these are the things I want to do. I want a meaningful life. I want to live my life to the fullest and spend it with my loved ones. Oh, don't worry. I will make sure Freedom has the happiest childhood. I'll make sure he'll have wonderful cousins and best friends for siblings. I'll make sure he'll be the happiest kid on the block even though he's an only child. The Mister and I have the rest of our lifetimes do exactly that.
There you go. I hope the Mister reads this (wink wink).